This Question Changed my Life

Rewind to early 2018. I had been back at work for a year after having my second son. Everything was good. I had the family that we’d dreamed of. We lived in a place that we loved surrounded by lots of good friends and I had my dream role as a Principal Teacher in a school that I loved. My Dad had been successfully treated for cancer and everything was falling into place. I should have been high on life. But I wasn’t.

It can be hard to admit when things aren’t feeling great. Sometimes it’s obvious why but when things on paper look good you can feel unjustified in wanting more. Even selfish or ungrateful. It’s easy to feel that you ‘should’ be happy.

I remember feeling really frustrated with myself. Why do I feel so detached from my life? What’s my problem? Why isn’t this enough?

‘What do you want to feel more of?’ is the question that turned things around for me.

I wanted to feel more present. I wanted to feel more ALIVE. I realised that all the things that I used to do before having kids had petered out. I’d lost a sense of who I was. I no longer did the things that made me ME. I no longer went camping, swimming outdoors or sailing. I didn’t have those long life-affirming boozy lunches with my girlfriends. In fact I spent a lot of time scrolling instagram and buying stuff that we didn’t even need.

I realised I needed to prioritise what made me feel alive. I started a list and kept adding to it. The list was long and ranged from waking up early to being in the sea. It might sound selfish to prioritise my wishes in this way but I honestly believe that as a partner/ friend/ colleague /parent it is your responsibility to live a full and beautiful life. It helped that many things on the list were things that we could enjoy as a family - swimming in a river and roasting marshmallows on a campfire to name a few. There were also things that were just for me like learning to surf. A weekend away with my friends. Champagne Tuesdays became a thing in our house, once the kids were in bed we’d sit outside drink cheap fizz. We’ve moved on to Aperol Spritz but the ideas the same!

I now live my life to feel alive. In the last year we’ve moved from Edinburgh to the coast. We’ve had some of our best holidays (I totally recommend an out of season break to Tiree!). I’ve started my own business, learnt to surf, had another baby and delivered workshops and talks on work -life balance (totally out of my comfort zone).

‘What do you want to feel more of?’ Is a question that I keep coming back to. I now know first hand the power that a simple question can have.

Is there a question that has the power to change your life?